Tuesday, 02 December 2008

• A Roller Coaster Ride.

  So I guess you could say that times are rough. I haven't really thought out all my ideas and contemplations out on this blog. But then again, there are only two (from what I know) that read this still. Haha. So let's just say this an insight on what's going on in Rachel's head, no matter how happy she is. (And yes, I did refer to myself in third person.)
  
  Throughout the months, I've had friends go through some hard times and some great ones. I too, have gone through some times, but have not shared it with anyone.
  
  Let's backtrack.
  
  I guess it's a lesson learned. (Not really.)
  But I have never been close with my mother. At least, from what I remember; years ago? Sure.
  
  I remember she was trying to make me do something that I was just tired of doing. She complained to me that I was somewhat of a "bad" daughter, why can't I do things without her asking?
  
  What a horrible day to ask me that. It was a day where I was tired of holding things back, so I rebuked something like "Well I always do things without her asking, I take care of myself, and do as you say, am I not allowed to refrain from doing one thing?"
  
  One thing led to another and I guess you could say that my mom cried, I cried, and I told her a secret (from if you go superbly back a few years, you'll find.) Which led to my dad talking to me, more crying, and shit like that.
  
  Nothing have changed even though that incident happened. I'm still apart, alone.
  How darkening. I'll stop thinking about that.
  
  So my parents went off to China for seventeen days. I began stressing out pretty fast. I can take care of myself, but my brother is a pain. He's useless. I'm like two people in one. Oh, and by the way: I lose a LOT of weight when I'm stressed. I didn't realize it till now. Remind me to eat please. Thanks.
  
  When they came back, the next morning I went to eat breakfast with my dad. I guess I'm closer to my dad than my mom. Which is a little odd, but then I guess you could say we had a very emotional talk there as well. Goodness. All I know is that my future is somewhere in the world. My dad is somewhat like me I guess you could say. We both hide things very easily, so he understands that. All he said that stuck with me the most was that I would be successfull in whatever I wanted to do and that he'll be there if I need him. He understands that I'm well off, things like that. And since he was also the oldest child (and a little more caught up with the times than my mom), he gives me the credit of what I'm going through. I could be a hobo for all I wanted.
  
  And I hope I'll be successful at that.
  
  This. Led up to a meeting of an old friend. He talks to me about his problems and I listen.
  
  Yet he brings up good points.
  -Do you believe in wishes?
  -Do you believe in the good nature of people? Why do we keep going back when we know we'll get hurt anyways?
  -What if what we want in life never comes even if we try?
  -How will we know when things are going right?
  
  No one has those answers. We can only give advice. But then again, my outlook on life is pretty dreary.
  
  The one idea or rather motivator I will always stick by is:
  "The obstacles in life given to us are only made for us to climb over and overcome. There is someone or something that puts us there for a reason. If you aren't able to climb over them, there will be nothing there to achieve if you just beat around the bush and leave that problem there forever." Meh. Or something of that sort. Makes more sense in my head. I've reworded it too many times because I have to keep telling myself that.
  
  Things are turning around I guess.
  Although I have no motivation for school.
  Although I have no social life. (Haha. Maybe I do.)
  I have the greatest friends.
  I've made a few more.
  I am content with what's happened.
  
  No matter how much I realized nothing has changed over the past few years. Except for my maturity and improvement of approaching problems. I don't know. It's pretty retarded.
  
  The wind whispers answers unreaching to those unknowing,
  Where the secrets of many are left unheard,
  There are people who live in wanting,
  Already given what they've alwyas dreamed of,
  But what of those who have been wishing?
  
  When do wishes come true?
  
  Cute Mario Kart Love Song.
  
  
  
  Oh man.

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